I’ve debated writing this post for a while. But when your life and your job are integral, as mine are, its impossible to separate the two.
When you are close to someone who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness it turns your world upside down. You put everything else in your life on hold. Since I am so emotionally invested in my business, I’ve had a very hard time balancing my personal and business worlds, thus the hiatus that has occurred these last few months.
Two weeks ago my mother lost her battle with lung cancer. A lot of you have met my mom, either at a show home, a trade show, or perhaps on a job site or the studio. She was integral to my business and always helped me with whatever she could. She loved hanging out at the studio and meeting with friends and clients that would stop by. She was incredibly proud and supportive of me. It has been very surreal and hard to comprehend that she has passed. The thought of returning to work gives me anxiety because I don’t know if I am ready for the pressure I put on myself to perform at the level clients have come to expect. I am thankful that I am able to make a living as an artist, but sometimes I wish I had a job working for someone else just so I didn’t have to deal with the stresses of owning my own business.
This situation has put into perspective how precious time is and not to waste it with things that aren’t important. Up until now I have accepted almost any job, large or small. But now I believe that it is more important to seek out work that I truly love to do and brings me joy. Call me selfish. To put it metaphorically; instead of being carried by the current of the river and letting the water push me randomly along, I want to put my oars in and navigate my own journey. To get back into some semblance of normalcy, I have started work on a new painting just for me. Its the first of a future series that has been brewing inside of me for quite some time. I thought that now would be an appropriate time to begin. (I’ll post pictures as the work progresses.)
Thanks to all of my clients, designers, peers…everyone who offered help (or a shoulder.) I couldn’t have gotten through the last 8 months without you.