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Vision Quest

Its been a tough road for me the last few months. Self reflection and acceptance have been in the forefront of my mind. I had no idea how profound an impact the loss of my mom would have on me. It permeates every last crevice of my being. Just holding it together has been the only thing at which I’ve been marginally successful. And not very well. A few months ago I made a Vision Board. Several things I have read and watched many say how important they are for manifesting the life you want. In January I made some New Year’s Resolutions and this is a way to reinforce them. Here’s my list:

Love myself as I am.

Love and accept others for who they are and where they are at in their life.

 Manifest positive energy into the universe.

 Focus on the good in everything.

 Have confidence in yourself. You are good enough and capable of achieving great things.

 Compliment others when the thought arises.

 Speak your mind.

 Ask questions.

 Relax. There is always time for the important stuff.

 Guard your time. say no when it doesn’t feel right.

 Be open and aware to see the signs that the universe is showing you.

 Honor mom in everything you do.

And I should add one more: Forgive myself.

How many of you have stuck with your resolutions? I will tell you the truth, its been hard. The hardest one is keeping positive and thinking that I’m worth the effort. It seems that these past months, especially winter, took all I had to keep it together.  And since I’m still rebuilding my business from taking time off for my mom, work has been spotty. I know its always a feast or famine reality but I never like not being booked for a few months out.

So without further ado, here is my Vision Board. I began clipping images out that speak to me for any reason. After spending a few months collecting I’ve discovered that I have come up with five areas.


The top left is about Work. Images of art studios, galleries, and the culture that it brings to my life. I am drawn to these images because of the sense of community they show. I cherish my place at the West End and wonder where I would be without this place in my life. I’ve met several people here in Ellicott City, as well as in the Decorative Painting community, that have enriched my life.

That morphs into the area of Home below it. I have images of cozy outdoor spaces, nature, some animals, and other things that make me happy and bring me peace. Hopefully one day I will have a few goats. And maybe some chickens.  🙂

The center, ironically, is finding my “center” or finding peace, something I struggle with. I’m at constant war with myself. Am I good enough? Is my work good enough? Have I done enough? Within that space I also have images of meditation and water. Water is an obsession that I have neglected in recent years. It represents so much for me; rebirth, cleansing, reflection, peace, beauty, power, and transcendence.

The lower right is where I have Nature as well as Physical Activity. I’ve made a goal of completing the Patapsco Epic this August. Some of you may know that I used to race bikes. I quit due to the overwhelming anxiety that would overcome me before races. It consumed me and no longer was fun. However, I missed being fit. Last year took its toll on my heath and I’m working on getting back into my old form. The Epic is not a race but an event, one that completing is an accomplishment alone. Hopefully I will.

The last area in the upper right is Adventure and encompasses travel, new perspectives, discovery, etc. I long to travel to Morocco, to more areas of Europe, and who knows where else? Maybe Asia or South America. I find that getting outside of your habitat creates a certain level of perspective that would otherwise never happen. Experiencing different cultures, foods, traditions, customs…its refreshing. (Gotta start saving!)

I don’t know how this will all play out but looking at it every day brings me hope. I intentionally want to create a sense of self acceptance through this project and hope that by doing this I’ve put vibes out into the universe that will resonate back.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you.


2 thoughts on “Vision Quest”

  1. You’re going to be just fine kid! Grieving is also part of honoring your Mom. You know the direction you want to go in and she will always be a guiding part of your soul. Love you and am so very touched by your heartfelt expressions. I think about her all the time too.

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