Lots has happened since my last post “My Word of the Year.” When I decided on the word “Conquer,” I wasn’t exactly expecting to have to conquer breast cancer, but here we are.
Back in September of 2022 I had my routine mammogram and was called back for a follow up due to some concern with a couple of areas. No big deal I thought, that happened the last time I went in for my routine mammogram because I have dense breast tissue and so did my mom. I came back in February (first available appointment) for my follow up which turned into a multi hour affair. They brought me back to do an ultrasound to try and clarify what they were seeing. The doctor recommended a biopsy to see if the tumors were cancerous.
THE RESULTS OF MY BIOPSY
On March 6, I received the results of my biopsies (that was an adventure! ouch!) and was told I had both “Ductal Carcinoma in Situ” as well as “Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.” However, the test revealed that they were negative for Estrogen and Progesterone reception as well as the protein receptor HER-2. So that means I had “Triple Negative Breast Cancer.” I had a third MRI guided biopsy to determine whether a third tumor was cancerous, which thankfully it was not.
I made an appointment with the top surgical oncologist at Johns Hopkins and consulted with her about my options. Initially I wanted to get a mastectomy to eliminate any chances of recurrence. However, after finding out that the third tumor was benign, we decided that a partial mastectomy, aka a breast conserving surgery or a lumpectomy was the best choice. I would still have the same chances of recurrence with either surgery. I also decided on a reduction and lift on the right so that the girls match.
My surgery took place on May 9, one week ago. I’m feeling good and able to get around but can’t lift heavy objects or do too much strenuous activity. I am sore in my left armpit where they removed two sentinel lymph nodes. I will need radiation once I heal and if my lymph node biopsy comes back positive then I will need chemotherapy too.
UPDATE: As of May 19, both the margins of the tumors as well as the lymph nodes are negative! We’re not completely out of the woods yet as this is an aggressive cancer and has a high recurrence rate within the first five years. However, I will take the good news!!
THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF A BREAST CANCER DIAGNOSIS
The time from my diagnosis to my surgery was an absolute emotional rollercoaster. I really loved my breasts and realizing that I would be losing part of my body that I was proud of devastated me. I understand that there are people in the world much worse off and in comparison my issue is miniscule, but I really was shaken with the news. Growing up I was always self conscious, as most girls are, but I had finally accepted my body and was proud of what it looked like and what it can do.
When I began developing I was teased and made fun of. I remember a specific incident in middle school where a classmate called out in the middle of music class, “what about D-Flat?!” The whole class erupted, including the teacher. I wanted to melt through the floor. Words stick with you and even 30 plus years later. I can remember details and feel the embarrassment run through me.
GETTING BACK TO IT WITH SOME NEW HELP.
Since December I have been recovering from shoulder surgery and was finally able to get back to some painting. Having this diagnosis is quite the setback but its not the end. I have had some incredible support from friends, family and clients. But I would not be this positive without my boyfriend, Evan. We have talked every single day since the start of our relationship almost three years ago and even though we may be on opposite coasts, we have a closeness that I’ve never experienced before. Evan has listened to me, heard my fears, grieved with me, and even joked with me about “the canceah.”
Evan came out to stay with me despite his insanely busy schedule. He helped me with some yard work and put in a new flower bed and planted two trees. I’m so excited!
My dad has been as supportive as possible, too, going with me to appointments, waiting through surgery, and helping me at home. I felt horrible when I got the diagnosis thinking about how he has to go through this whole cancer thing all over again. Im grateful that although I do have cancer, that it is a common one and one that has a standard protocol for treatment and though my type of cancer is more aggressive, we caught it early and can hopefully nip it before it spreads.
TURNING TO ART FOR THERAPY
During my last trip out to California, Evan and I travelled up to San Francisco to pop in on our friends at Salon. We had planned to attend but due to this hiccup we decided to shorten our trip and spend some time driving down the coast and seeing the Hearst Castle. This year’s host, Lynne Rutter, organized a wonderful Salon and we were happy to attend the closing dinner. It was AWESOME to see everyone and get lots of hugs and words of encouragement.
We had decided to create a mold of my torso so when we were back at at Evan’s we spent an afternoon working on that. It was pretty uncomfortable holding that pose for over an hour, and even more painful taking the silicone mold off, but the results!!?? Wow! I am so happy we did this and I am thinking about working into some sort of art piece about my cancer journey.
I’ve also kept myself busy getting into sewing. I reorganized my office/craft room to better hold all of my stuff. I’ve really enjoyed creating pieces using thrifted items and incorporating my beadwork.
A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my new band The Gold Ponies and my fit fam at Crossfit Catonsville.
My new band is incredible and I am so thankful to play with them. In March we had our first gig where we opened for our friends Geraldine at Edith May’s Paradise. Elise and Charlie have been incredibly supportive throughout my journey.
And my friends at CFC! Omg. My friend Katie Stotes organized an outing to celebrate “Dee’s boobies” and we sang karaoke at the the local bar Morsbergers. She made my fabulous banner and brought glowsticks for everyone. I also received an insanely generous gift bag from anonymous members which included very thoughtful items of healing and love.
I have been so struck at how so many people have reached out and offered love and support through out this ordeal.
SO THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS TWOFOLD:
-Never think you are in control of your life. You know what they say about best laid plans…
and
-Get your boobies checked!