There are some great memes out there that encapsulate the cycle of doubt for a decorative painter in Maryland. When starting a project, you have this feeling of “this is awesome, I am awesome!” As you get deeper in, the feeling changes to “why did I think this was a good idea? Why am I even attempting this? It sucks! I suck.”
(Please excuse the language!)
You keep persevering and as you start to see it come together, you feel like you’re the most amazing artist who has ever lived and this piece is the greatest thing ever created!
Then, you hang it up and begin the cycle all over again...
Self-Doubt of a decorative painter in Maryland
One of my recent projects was a mural for a child’s bedroom that I completed for a model home in Delaware. I had some loose guidelines for what I was supposed to paint and I was on my own without a client on-site to give me feedback.
Mural Progress - Day One
On the first day on the job, I laid in the composition by drawing in elements with a watercolor pencil. I was feeling good about it and planned to start the next day with washes of color to emulate a watercolor painting.
A few hours in on day two, I took a step back and took a look at my work. I was hating it - thinking it looked amateur. But with working out of town, time was of the essence and I didn’t have the luxury of changing course.
Mural Progress - Day Two
I second-guessed a lot of the early process, wondering if I was making the right choices with my colors and technique. I also relied on Evan and some of my artist friends by sending them photos and asking for feedback. But once I began putting in the details, I saw it start to come together and it really helped motivate me to finish.
It never fails though, when I send photos to the client there’s always that moment of dread wondering if they’re going to hate what I’ve done. Luckily by day four, I had a mural that I was proud of and when I got confirmation from the client that they liked it, all of those doubts were long gone. I even laughed at myself for thinking it was hopeless.
How it all began…
I think that I’ve always experienced some level of self-doubt ever since I was old enough to be self-aware. The first time I really experienced it was when I was enrolled in a Gifted and Talented Art program in the county where I went to school. The program was held on Saturdays and it was full of very talented students from each middle and high school.
It was the first time I remember seeing other students my age who were really talented. I second-guessed my own artwork and wondered if I was worthy of being there.
It took a lot for me to overcome those feelings and to this day it’s not something that I look back on with fond memories. Rather, it all feels like a very humbling experience. It made me realize that the competition is fierce and if I want to make it I need to work very hard.
“What if they don’t like it and I have to redo it?”
It’s a physical reaction when I have a moment of doubt...which I’m sure every decorative painter in Maryland can relate to. I’ll first stop and take a step back to look at what I’m doing. I get an overwhelming feeling of dread that manifests as a flush of heat running through my body and my heart starts to race. A million thoughts flood my mind like “What if they don’t like it and I have to redo it? What if I had gone with this other approach instead? Why can’t I ever get it right?”
It’s also really hard when your work is subject to the client’s approval. It was very difficult early on to separate myself from the work I was doing. I had to tell myself that it wasn’t me they were being critical of, and it was their house and their money.
Doubt isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can make you be critical of your work and it can make you push harder to be better.
It’s ever-present & ever-evolving
The doubt is usually present each time I start something new, though it's different with each project. I thought that by this point in my career I would have everything figured out. But each project comes with its own set of problems to solve. I learn lessons on each job, and though it can be frustrating, there isn’t anything else I would rather do. Every day is different.
A finished mediocre project is better than an unfinished project
Luckily, the only time I’ve ever let my doubt affect my work is with my personal work. I’ve never been one to abandon a project, but I’ve let some sit, sometimes for years, before I get tired of my own procrastination and I finally finish. I feel that a finished mediocre project is better than an unfinished project because perfection is unattainable.
I know that in some of my paid projects, I may not have done my best work - sometimes because I was too rushed by a short deadline, or because the client literally sucked the life out of it with edits and re-dos. I think one of the most challenging parts of my job is when there is a communication breakdown between myself and my client, which makes it hard to understand what they want. When this happens, there can be a lot of trial and error and if I don’t get it right the first time, I can let my self-doubt creep in.
How I Overcome Self-Doubt
To overcome my feelings of doubt and inadequacy, I will often share images of my work with my friends and family. My friends usually build me up and tell me I’m awesome, so that is always nice!
My mom used to be my biggest cheerleader and when I needed a boost I could always count on her.
Having the support of other artists is incredibly valuable, too. I have several friends whom I’ve met through IDAL, our industry’s professional organization, as well as other local artists that can encourage each other to keep pressing on or offer advice and technical help because we’ve found ourselves in similar situations. It’s so helpful to know that even though we are essentially working solo, there are others like us out there that we can lean on when we need it.
It’s also nice having a boyfriend who is an artist. Evan can look at my work with a critical eye and really understand what goes into a project and be honest with me about it.
I will sometimes look at my past projects and reassure myself that I am capable of creating good work.
Social media is good for a boost of confidence, too. However, sometimes I feel it can be a double-edged sword. It’s easy to look at another artist’s work and think, “Wow, they must always create amazing art without ever making a mistake. How can they be so prolific? Why is their art getting more attention than mine? How are they so successful?” And so on. I have to keep reminding myself that we are seeing the best version of others, that they curate what they want the world to see.
When I post, I try to be as authentic as I can by not only posting the finished product but various stages along the way with honesty and humor. I feel that others can relate more to that than a perfect, shiny, and polished image.
Having a deadline (and a paycheck) is also a great motivator to keep pushing through the doubt. As a decorative painter in Maryland, I don’t have the luxury of taking all of the time in the world to tweak my work. I need to get it done so that I can complete the project for my client and so that I can move on to helping the next client. Having had some years under my belt I have developed methods of being more efficient, and I have learned some techniques that are quick and effective for getting the project finished in a timely manner.
LEt the “wins” carry you through the self-doubt
Whenever I attempt a new medium I will have a million “what-if’s” running through my head. The first time I created a painted glass piece, I had no clue how it was going to turn out. It was especially hard because I had to work in reverse and I wouldn’t be able to see the final effect until I put on the last step.
Probably in the middle of doubting myself…
The few days of not knowing were excruciating. I laid awake at night mulling over various solutions to the problems I thought I would encounter. Once I finished and turned the glass over to see the finished image I was elated that it turned out so well. Having those moments keeps me going and motivates me when I am in the middle of a project and having those familiar feelings of insecurity.
The best compliment came from my client after the project was done when she said, "That's cool as S***!" I laughed out loud.
The icing on the cake was an email she sent that evening.
"[My husband] walked in the door and saw the painting and his comment was ‘spectacular'!’ He sat down on the sofa, stared at the painting, and said to tell Dee the painting was ‘well done’. The funniest comment he had was that it is a lot more colorful and stands out more than what we had before. I laughed and told him I sure hope so because there was nothing on the wall before. It is truly an amazing piece of art!”
That makes me happy….and it’s happy clients like that that make all of the self-doubt worth it.
Looking for a decorative painter in Maryland?
If you or someone you know is interested in working a decorative painter in Maryland, we would love for you to drop us a line! You may call or text us at 410-707-9246 or email us at dee@lenehanstudios.com.